The Price That I Paid

The Devil said, "I, the Devil, a not-for-profit organization, with office in Purgatory, Hell will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit. Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling, little soul."

And so I sold my soul to the devil. The only difference being that I did it for one single wish and not seven. What prompted me to do so? That's a complex question which has an eclectic answer. It started quite a few years back when I realised that for some odd reason I wasn't happy. I had all the material things at my disposition and yet happiness eluded me. Befuddled I started looking for that missing element in my life. I did all I could to find happiness and perhaps I did find it at some instances but only ephemerally. I later realised that my source was never right.

I had always looked for happiness through external medium and happiness can never be found externally; I realised this with time but to no effect. Happiness comes from inside and that's the only plausible medium for it. Happiness is in every moment that we spend, when that particular moment is spent in all earnest. If we want to be happy we have to live the moment fully as happiness resides in all the things that we do normally as a part of our daily routine: sharing a meal with the family, talking to friends, reading &c.

This realisation came to me at atime when I had already let the devil take the hindmost. We live in a society which has drawbacks and as a part of that society it's imperative that we work towards the elimination of these very drawbacks. It's a responsibility that all of us have, as an individual. Very smartly I have turned my back towards all these responsibilities and from a person who used to care a lot about others, I have become one who cares jack shit. My friends tell me that I have become very hard and I don’t really care about others. I should move out of this shell that I have made around me and once again look at things from a wider angle.

I never deny their effort and their sincerity. I know that all these people care a lot about me and all of them are right. But for the moment I like this disease and I am happy with it. Maybe with time I’ll move away from it. Matteroffactly, as I move away from the busy city life that I have in Mumbai, at the moment, back to the place I hate to love, Delhi, things will be back to where it were. But for the moment I have a proclivity towards the state I’m in, which is good enough to keep me sticking to it.

Everything that we get in life has a price to it and I guess this is the price that I have paid for my so called gratification. If it's true, then so be it; at least for a while.

Me, Myself & I

I must say that I had an amazing weekend this time round. I work for one of those companies where an off is like a distant dream but rarely a reality. Even when our multi-cultural country indulges into any kind of conviviality; my office is open because some market that we cater to is open, somewhere around the globe. But unlike most of these days my office was closed last week, unusually, for good four days. So, I had an extended weekend to make merry- which in fact is totally infectious and makes you crave for more.

And ergo, I indulged into a lot of reveling all across Mumbai; from well know joints to house parties, I did it all; the partners in crime being a bunch of friends, most of who live in Mumbai and a mutual friend who has recently shifted to Pune. Apart from the late night binges there also was a lot of raw guitar music, all acoustic, supplied by either of us; coupled with a lot of singing. All in all it was a crazy time that all of us had.

Nonetheless, moving over to the raison d’être for this post which is a serious discussion I had with my friend, the one who had come from Pune, about how I and another very good friend of ours have changed over the course of our stay in Mumbai. His opinion was that both of us have become quite indifferent and fairly apathetic towards everything; our reason for the same being this city that we are living in. Mumbai for some strange reason, I feel, has done it to me.

So, is this phenomenon, or to be precise noumenon, good or bad? I can’t really see how bad it could be in the long run but at the moment the good part about it is that I find myself to be happy; and happiness for sure had desolated me for a long long time. Perhaps for the first time in my life I have completely stopped thinking about what I should be doing to make others happy. Priorities are of course in place in terms of my family and my near and dear ones. They do get the attention that they are supposed to get but other than that, this time round I have strangely stopped thinking about making every individual associated with me, happy. Maybe I am being selfish and egocentric, not thinking about others but I feel providential and that is all that matters. I feel as though I am exploring and figuring myself out.

Who knows this might just be a mirage or an anomaly but as long as I’m happy I really don’t care. Christian Nevell Bovee had once said that “No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.”

Throw & Catch

This one’s a bloggers game and it’s one of those chain things wherein someone passes the buck on to you and you in turn have to keep the tradition going by passing it on to someone else; now that I have been tagged, I need to perform the bloggers liturgy. The great part about the entire ordeal is that people categorically get to read a lot of one’s older posts under predefined headings; at the same time, the tough part is to choose a limited number of posts to be put under respective headings.

So, this is how it goes…
Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 keywords given (family, friends, yourself, your love, and anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do the same. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. Don't forget to read the linked posts and leave comments!

Family: Tough one, as I haven’t written anything about my family.

Friends: Happen to write a piece some time back, which is quite educating.

- A startling revelation

Yourself: The toughest to pick from, being a narcissist; as per my friends. Nonetheless, this one is more about my feelings based on some particular situation rather than it being an ode to oneself.
- Trust

Your Love: two completely different posts and I couldn’t leave out any of them.
- Ode to thee- One that i admire
- Her that I love, I wish to be free - even from me

Anything You like: Another tough one as I had scores of posts lined for this one.
- Love, is like magic. But magic is... just an illusion

To keep the ball rolling:
3 people to tag: Musings, Political Animal, Alo
2 new people: Memoirs of a Broken Man, Can of Worms

Hope ya’ll like the posts and keep the tradition going.