I had an epiphany. Ever considered why it is tough for people to forget and forgive? We as humans tend to make mistakes, which might hurt someone and leave a dent in relationships. The severity of the hurt is proportional to the dent. Deeper the scar, tougher the damage and lighter the scar, easier it is for people to move on and forget everything. Isn’t that what we tend to believe? I guess it seems quite apparent that if the hurt is deep then the damage might be permanent. After all there is so much a person stands to lose; how can one forget all which was at stake and all which was thus lost.
If we look at the whole not-able-to-forget scenario from a totally different angle then we perhaps might see something else. The truth is that some people look at it differently. Whenever they would want to forgive, they would ideally place their suffering and their losses on one side of the scale and the other persons suffering and his losses on the immediate side. Now comes the measuring act. Oh, dear me! I clearly seem to have suffered more and lost more. How can I forgive him that easy? Well just a petit sorry and that’s how he gets away. No way, no goddamn way it’s happening. Well that’s your brand new reason which is a tad tough to admit in front of others. As for the avowable reason, one can ostentatiously say that it’s quite an ordeal for me to forget all that had happened.
Maybe the other person’s loss is not manifested. How the hell do we know whether the other person hasn’t suffered as much or perhaps even more; tell me, how one quantifies loss. Most things that we do are propelled by a reason or a purpose. We take a leap, a huge jump and a gamble at times, turning our ordered life topsy-turvy; only to realize one day that that purpose has been turned to dust. Isn’t that loss grave too? Tell me how it feels, when one morning you wake up only to realize that there is no reason why you are at a certain place. I am not a wise man and maybe I can’t quantify someone’s loss; but the truth is that pain for me is also pain for others. All of us scowl and cringe equally when subjected to it.
If we look at the whole not-able-to-forget scenario from a totally different angle then we perhaps might see something else. The truth is that some people look at it differently. Whenever they would want to forgive, they would ideally place their suffering and their losses on one side of the scale and the other persons suffering and his losses on the immediate side. Now comes the measuring act. Oh, dear me! I clearly seem to have suffered more and lost more. How can I forgive him that easy? Well just a petit sorry and that’s how he gets away. No way, no goddamn way it’s happening. Well that’s your brand new reason which is a tad tough to admit in front of others. As for the avowable reason, one can ostentatiously say that it’s quite an ordeal for me to forget all that had happened.
Maybe the other person’s loss is not manifested. How the hell do we know whether the other person hasn’t suffered as much or perhaps even more; tell me, how one quantifies loss. Most things that we do are propelled by a reason or a purpose. We take a leap, a huge jump and a gamble at times, turning our ordered life topsy-turvy; only to realize one day that that purpose has been turned to dust. Isn’t that loss grave too? Tell me how it feels, when one morning you wake up only to realize that there is no reason why you are at a certain place. I am not a wise man and maybe I can’t quantify someone’s loss; but the truth is that pain for me is also pain for others. All of us scowl and cringe equally when subjected to it.
I tend to forget and forgive as much as I can. Not because I think I’m virtuous but I think it to be the only plausible solution. I could either sit and think about my loss and brood upon the hatred thus arousing out of it or I could just move ahead and let it go. I choose the latter and do as much but I wish others could take a cue, as well.
