Saturday, December 1, 2007

Her that I love, I wish to be free - even from me

"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
It is the feeling of love that Tennyson so fondly talks about in the paragraph from his poem “In Memoriam”; the feeling of endless joy and immense sorrow, both being juxtaposed. Love, the biggest paradox to have ever existed.

All of us have been in love at some point of time in our life; and god, isn’t it wonderful. You know you are in love when you can very minutely separate the beautiful colours from the thread of life. Get up every morning brimming with exuberance; thinking how to make the most of day or rather every moment in one’s life. It feels as though the clock has stopped ticking and one could indeed analyse the beauty in all of nature’s offerings, at ease. The voice inside telling us to see how beautiful a day is, so forget about tomorrow – carpe diem.

Love to me, means giving incessantly; and so I have done whenever I’ve loved. I couldn’t help but give in to this strong and overwhelming emotion, every time. But time and again I have been made to feel, made to realise that is it actually worth it. People asking, “are non-ending tears worth all the smiles and laughter in the past?”; friends saying things like, “is it really worth all that one has to go through?” I have always believed so; and god knows I had reason to do so. Reason which has become quite apparent with time; and with acute self-analysation. It’s nothing but my weakness inside….God, that anemic feeling, which I so fucking hate. I hate it because I don’t see anyone who is worth putting in so much of effort for; anyone who is worth this affection and any god damn person who really deserves it. We as an individual are meant to handle everything all by ourselves; be diplomatic about everything and think, like a fox. Think cunningly and measure every step that we take. Life, sadly has taught me that emotions make people weak. I have felt a “snap” inside of me; a certain point which tells me that it’s time to let go. Time to move forward, not look back and just fuck-it; maybe it was meant to be so.

It is time to set free, the person I am so madly in love with. I do feel elevated but I also feel sorry for the cause that I had believed in. God only knows how much I had loved that person and I couldn’t help but set her free; as this is what she wanted and how can I not give her what she wants. Like all my loved ones she is mine now, forever.

2 comments:

Star Of The Dark Night said...

The peaceful existence of civil society is based on relationship and where there is relationship there is love, in the absence of it (read love) the base of mankind will sink into the deep blue sea and then only divine intervention can restore it. Love is of many kinds but the love of beloved I believe is the most beautiful one. Because in it there is longing ness, in it there is deep craving, in it there is that passionate intensity which no painter can paint with his brush, no poet can freeze with his words and no photographer can capture with his lens. Not because they are not capable of, but because it is beyond any traditional form of expression. It’s the most pristine feeling. It’s the state of being which can only be understood and can’t be explained.

I will not offer any suggestion here for that will pollute the feelings of this writing of yours. All I can say is that even if u looses that person then also u will emerge winner-----you will emerge with the wealth of wisdom.

Taz said...

The basis of this post is not to discuss the intricacies of love, rather to see if there is anyone who is worth putting in so much of effort for.
Every individuals thought is based on his/her own personal experience, mostly; and what i have written out here is based on mine. I do acknowledge that even if we loose the person in question we emerge a winner, with the wealth of wisdom. But, the fact also remains that we need companionship more than any other thing; which indeed is tough to find or retain.