The inevitable happened today. Someone from my immediate family died this morning. The person in question had been bed ridden for a while and was suffering from cancer, so as it is there wasn’t much hope. To make things worse, I, who was to call this person last night didn’t do so and therefore ended up feeling miserable the whole day. I got the news of his deteriorating health late last night but procrastinated calling as it was a long distance call and on top of it I was with a bunch of friends. I anyway couldn’t have spoken to the person in question and I thought it to be just a matter of one day before I called; so big deal if I call tomorrow. Tragedy struck exactly in this one day and I couldn’t help but feel wretched about my recklessness; realising how things can change in a day, hour, minute or perhaps even in a few seconds.
When it comes to my family, I am quite reticent and I tend to not discuss the same with most people I know, even close ones. The rare ones that you discuss some few things with say “I am sorry to hear” as soon as they come across similar situation. Well, I’m quite sure that its courtesy and empathy which compels people to say so but I completely fail to understand the compassion intended by issuance of such statements, especially from these few select ones.
When I come across such situations, with acquaintances I do the same. But somehow I fail to comprehend the usage of such words with people that I am close to. How the hell can I feel the pain that someone else is going through and therefore I believe it to be true the other way round also. Why is it necessary to reply at all times and for all things? Maybe a simple hug or just a look or even bloody silence would do for me. But not those words, hell no. There is no goddamn way I can believe that and therefore I simply can't come to say it to people that are close to me. I am not capable of saying something that I don’t feel; that’s just not me. Maybe I’m too crassly but that’s the way I am.
When it comes to my family, I am quite reticent and I tend to not discuss the same with most people I know, even close ones. The rare ones that you discuss some few things with say “I am sorry to hear” as soon as they come across similar situation. Well, I’m quite sure that its courtesy and empathy which compels people to say so but I completely fail to understand the compassion intended by issuance of such statements, especially from these few select ones.
When I come across such situations, with acquaintances I do the same. But somehow I fail to comprehend the usage of such words with people that I am close to. How the hell can I feel the pain that someone else is going through and therefore I believe it to be true the other way round also. Why is it necessary to reply at all times and for all things? Maybe a simple hug or just a look or even bloody silence would do for me. But not those words, hell no. There is no goddamn way I can believe that and therefore I simply can't come to say it to people that are close to me. I am not capable of saying something that I don’t feel; that’s just not me. Maybe I’m too crassly but that’s the way I am.
At the end of it all I’m still thankful to all these lovely people, who at least try to show that they understand even if they can’t feel my pain. God bless them all.
5 comments:
Since you've done the same when faced with a similar situation, I'm guessing its not too hard for you to understand that the intent of that comment is to say, "I dont understand your pain, but I relate to your situation, and I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now. I hope things get better for you soon." And when you are close to someone's heart, then yes, I agree with you; words are unnecessary.
From the ones who are doing it to you now- its just a gesture, albiet a little one. Appreciate the sentiment, and accept it graciously.
I appreciate and accept the sentiment with all the grace that could be there. Thank you for your concern and for everything.
My husband lost his father when he was quite young and he always tells me that he used to get so irritated with people who came and say "sorry"! He says just give a nice tight hug...that says a lot more.
He also always tries to explain to me that life is so unpredictable and to savour every moment.
Unfortunately the way we human beings are...we only tend to learn the hard way.
I am sorry to hear of your loss. (and pl, these words are with concern, nothing else)
What can I say except that the zen principle is true.. the only certainity in life is death. So I guess it is important to make sure that we spend as much time as possible with our loved ones and treasure the great times, even the sad times and the oh-no-big-deal times.
Chaitali:
Very well said, "We only tend to learn the hard way." I believe it's, in a way, good as well as bad. Good because when we learn the hard way we make sure to not repeat our mistakes and bad because learning comes when there is not much reason left, guaranteeing pain. Thank you, I appreciate that.
Cuckoo:
Thank you for your concern. I know it's genuine.
I wish we would enjoy our present person rather than cribbing about our past or worrying about our future.
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