My Abilities…

I know where I am going with this one; therefore to start with, I would like to state that I don’t consider myself to be a part of the unfortunate lot in any way. I have had the most terrific upbringing that matter-of-factly lesser number of people have. Supportive parents, abundance of freedom, great childhood and a wonderful teenage are what my life, so far, comprises of. I don’t see any reason why I should complain and subsequently state that I have missed onto a lot of things in life.

Apart from the upbringing and the education that I have had, there is also this one another thing which makes me different from a lot of other people. It is my ability to not forget things. The good part is that I cherish all the wonderful moments of my life by remembering them and thinking about them; the bad part is that I can’t forget my terrible times and therefore can’t help but think about them at times also. Well I suppose that a lot of us are made that way and there would be many amongst us who can’t really forget their bad times. What makes me different from them is that I don’t tend to find an escape route for my not so picturesque moments in time. I put up a very brave front and like a martyr take all my difficulties at face value. Neither do I blame others nor do I look to be melodramatic and get into a self-pity mode for all my mishaps. Come to think of it, it’s more like a self-contempt mode that I get into, not degenerating and certainly not demeaning in any way. The net result is that I storm out of my sorrow very quickly but at the same time I also capture it within me, thus restoring it to some part of my memory which is quite frequently made to visit by small and big instances.

I’m not a very religious man but I have a substantial amount of faith and faith does come before hope as well as before love. Well I believe that I have been made this way for a purpose, along with a certain level of resilience which makes me prone to pain in life- the balance of nature as we call it. Therefore I am subjected to it time and again; suffering but also recovering quickly and moving ahead. But there is a certain level for everyone, as much a human mind can take. When we transgress then it’s all numbness which is left and the pain simply goes away.

At times, I wish I could also take the easy way out and just blame others for everything in life. Or perhaps get drunk and put the onus of it all on the other person, like most people do. That, is what we call wishful thinking- the vicious cycle still goes on.