Yes, I got a visit from my past today. One event leading to another and then another; and thus a reminder of something from the past. It was an odd feeling, a mix of warmth and happiness along with a pang. Sweetness blended with an equal amount of bitterness.
I am a guy who rarely forgets things in life; especially when it comes to experiences and situations, irrespective of them being good or bad. In a way it’s a great thing as it is a valuable source of strength for me. Every failure or success is an experience for me, educating and teaching something new- stress being on failure. The best way to learn is to fall and learn; as once we fall, we hurt ourselves and when we hurt ourselves, we make it a point to not repeat our mistake.
Charles Krauthammer had said that “The flip side of retrospectively savaging the loser is beatifying . . . the winner.” So, on the flip side this very source of my strength, in a way, is my weakness. When we grow over our past we tend to bury it somewhere inside of us. Most of us do it in an effective way so that they can’t reminisce. While some of us are not so effective in doing that and get a reminder about the same. I am one of those unfortunate ones who falls under the latter category. How do you feel when you are reminded about something that you had pursued with an undying passion? If you get that thing then obviously you wouldn’t care as much, but if you not only not get it but also get a reminder of it some time later, then… it hurts. It hurts but you can’t help smile and you feel like submitting yourself once again to the cause that you had once so staunchly believed in. For the most part one doesn’t capitulate but definitely do feel like acquiescing. It’s so befuddling when you feel that you possibly want to get back or perhaps not.
I really wish I could get back… but I know I will not.
4 comments:
Well, your post is a bit cryptic, but life is all about moving ahead and sometimes the past is best left behind. Umm, thats me trying to be philosophical!
Give it time and let your head clear. Listen to music, get out and about, cry a little, if need be. Take the good from it and move on.
Bask in sunshine :) Life is also full of happy moments. Find the romance and charm in the everyday. Smile more than just a little. Feel special. You are.
"The best way to learn is to fall and learn; as once we fall, we hurt ourselves and when we hurt ourselves, we make it a point to not repeat our mistakes."
It wasn't a mistake- it was an experience that you had to go through. Given an opportunity, would you do things any differently? I'm guessing not, since the memory still makes you smile. So smile away and don't ponder so much... :)
Cuckoo:
I would not exactly say that the post is cryptic but it's an account of a feeling which i encountered ephemerally. Past is indeed best left behind.
Pallavi:
Thank you for your concern. The truth is that i already have moved on. Thank you for making me feel special by saying all the good things.
Mojo:
Very true, it was never a mistake. It was experience and life is all about experiences. Your guess is quite right, given a chance i would do it the very same way, again.
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