Lost in Translation....

All of us have a dream. We dream to aspire, to happiness and to various things- seeking out, venturing to turn it into reality. Dreams, I believe, are quite essential as they invoke a thought in us which takes shape when succeeded by proper action.

Bagger Vance: There's a perfect shot trying to find every one of us. All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way... ...and let it choose us.

And so it has almost been a year now that I had one of those dreams which made me venture out and look for my perfect shot, which I hadn’t even known to be perfect for me. When people seek out to pursue a dream they either find themselves on their way or digress and lose themselves, which I was made aware of this past weekend. I was told by an ally, who has known me closely for quite a few years, that somewhere over this period I have changed a lot- especially from being an optimist to a pessimist. Change is an eminent part of life; but for a guy whose survival so far has been fuelled by optimism, to switch to an opposite mode is unhealthy and dangerous. More over I have always believed and have reasons to do so, that optimism is a great trait and helps one in numerous ways over many a quandary. The truth is that I don’t know if I really have switched to that gear but change there has been. In the translation of my dream into reality, it seems, I’ve lost some part of me.

Affably I listened to my benefactor who told me to let go of certain things from my past which I had been clinging on to like my dear life. I zealously avowed to do so, as was expected of me and thus the chapter was closed. I would like to narrate my dream before I wind up…

…I dreamt of a clear moon lit night. I was standing in front of a lake and in it I saw a beautiful reflection: of felicity, of beatitude, of love and of life. I lunged to catch it, but it moved as much away from me as I moved towards it. And there I was chasing an image on water. Beautiful as it might be but the fact remains that it’s still what we call a fata morgana.

Pain

The sun is below the horizon, it’s beautiful red light being refracted from the earth’s atmosphere as it is about to rise. Its early morning and a new day is about to begin. Looking at the twilight I wonder whether it finally ends today. Days of waiting have been converted to weeks and weeks to months but I still feel the pain inside me. I wonder if I will ever see the end of this pain, which has been there for such a long time now.

I’m tired of this wait and the sleepless nights. I wish I could do something to take all this pain and all this hurt away. It seems as though it’s my skin and I have been asked to live with it; as with it comes my redemption. I wish I could walk away from everything and go off to a distant place where I don’t know anyone. I wish I could turn my back to everyone I know and simply fade into nowhere. How I wish I could just walk away from everything and everyone in my life. It is perhaps then that I might find some peace. It is perhaps then that my pain would end.

Who knows I just might.

Go Goa

I got a chance to explore Goa once more this weekend. This trip brought back some wonderful memories and the visit, for me, was nostalgic. The self-absorption, joy, and feeling that there is nothing more to say were the manifestations of a walk in the memory lane. I had visited Goa last August for the first time and had instantly fallen in love with the place. Goa is one of those places which one can never have enough of; at least for me. This last visit was very special to me as I had gone holidaying with a bunch of like minded people and all of us had a great time there; moreover I also got to meet someone because of which my life took not one but quite a few detours. Apart from all this I also got to drive at the place as we were a group of five and car was the optimum mode of transportation that could be there given our number, so a car was what we hired for our movement, locally.

Believe me there’s nothing more exhilarating for a person who loves to drive, than driving at a place like Goa. It’s mostly a hilly track with nominal traffic- as it was off-season when we went vacationing. The weather was a bit hot, but for most part not very sunny with some squalls here and there. Roads in Goa are a single lane, two-way track flanked by lots and lots of greenery on both sides. If not trees and bushes then its water which is there on either or both sides of the road and driving at such a wonderful place is extremely appeasing and the experience is hard to forget. I really enjoyed my stint as a driver there. This particular aspect of my visit had also in a way left a lasting impression on me.

We hogged onto a lot of sea-food at Souza Lobo on Calangute Beach and Britto’s on Baga Beach apart from some hardcore partying at Club Titos, the famous discotheque cum nightclub near Baga Beach. This as a matter of fact had been strategically placed on my fixed agenda for further visits to be made, to the place. So I made it a point to visit Souza Lobo this time and the food as usual was yummy. Nothing beats a fulfilling round of Baked Crabs with White Sauce and Fried Masala Prawns as starters and King Fish Curry with Rice as the main course. Who has any space for dessert after such a hearty meal, definitely not me. Brittos was unfortunately closed as it being the peak off-season and the owners taking a vacation, leaving the best vacationing spot and going off to the not so best vacationing spot, I presume. Luckily I found a small shack next to Brittos, called St. Lawrence Restaurant and Bar, right on the beach. It was an open air bar with Karaoke on Saturdays and my entire evening was spent sipping on to a drink and humming on to some very old tracks like Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and some relatively newer ones like The Reason by Hoobastank and Hero by Enrique Iglesias, apart from various other numbers.

Next morning I woke up early, as a habit and after having breakfast went off to the beach for a walk. The weather was slightly overcast with a bit of sun. It was a high tide and the water was foamy white. I took a long walk at the beach all by myself and sat at an upturned boat looking at the beautiful waves. Sea has always fascinated me a lot more than anything else and I think I’m more of a water person. Therefore no other thing is more relaxing and unwinding than looking at the strong waves, like a billion horses galloping down with their mane in tow.

With a lot of remorse, I took a Monday evening flight back to Mumbai; once again feeling that I was unable to have enough of the place. I had always wanted to do Goa alone and was damn sure that that in itself would be quite an experience; and so it turned out to be. Though I'm back to my clichéd city life but am also planning to pack my bags soon enough and once again saying, Go Goa.