Caught in between the fading
warmth of your touch and the smell of your body, I keep turning around to look
for you. With the cold mist of time fading everything in between, what I still
find left of is the feeling of loving you and being loved back. Do I not look
enough and hold so as I thought I used to hold you. Then why is it that the
warmth of bodies feel cold to these numb fingers. Why do I not feel the love
within, when I close these droopy, downcast and forlorn eyes?
I open them to look up into those
soft brown eyes of yours. They look at me once, moving away presently, only to
come back again. I take your hands into mine, to feel the warmth of your
presence. The radiance on your face and the twinkle in your eyes are what I had
been searching for in the long, cold and dark corners of my mind. When I see
you smiling shyly at me is when I feel the warmth of the bright shining yellow
sun that finally comes out after a long spell of long cold shower accompanied
by the black looming clouds. The touch of your hands is like the smell of night-blooming
cestrum, the fragrance of which gets stronger with the darkness inside. I feel
so easily lost while running my fingers in your smooth straight hair. I take the
scent of which with my eyes closed.
Longing to touch your lips and to
hold you near, I open my eyes to alas find you gone once again. I wonder if it was
but just a dream, or was it a long lost image of you left inside my head. Ah!
Why does my mind play these games? The cruel time then again takes you away
from me.
I wonder if I could once again drown
out my sorrow with a few glasses of whiskey. Just so I could obliterate you
from my damned memory. Its not the dizziness or the thick cloud of my past that
gives me any comfort. Neither does the golden glow of my so called savior. It
makes me laugh hysterically only to make me pull my knees to my chest and to cry
out in pain. I hate you for not leaving me alone and for not letting me go. How
can you not hear me scream out. How could you not hear me say that I needed you
more than anything. I close my eyes for they hurt as hell.
I open my eyes to look at you
once again. You have a lot of concern in them. Baby are you all right, is what
you ask me. I smile at you and say, I'm fine now.
There is fear that rises
inside of me. What now when I close my eyes again….
